• Staying positive through the tough times
• Applying for leadership roles

Overwhelm is common for new leaders, especially those who excel in problem solving and believe they must have all the answers if they are to gain the respect of colleagues and direct reports. In fact, the opposite is more likely to be true in the long term. Leaders, who know their strengths, are honest with their weaknesses, and balance this by encouraging others to work and grow with them, are more likely to be remembered as good leaders.

For those of you who feel ‘the tail is wagging the dog’ here are a few steps towards personal balance.

1. Take a blank sheet of paper and a pen (you may prefer to use color pens) and another sheet for your initial notes
2. Consider all the roles you have in your life at this point in time e.g. leader, father/ mother, husband/ wife, coach, self, community, brother/sister, etc. List these on a piece of paper.
3. On a clean sheet of paper draws circles (using different colored pens for different circles if you wish) representing the time and effort you put into each role. For example, activities that take a lot of your time and energy will be represented by larger circles than the activities where you are spending very little time and energy.
4. When you think you have covered all the roles you have at this point in time, sit back, and decide whether or not this is the correct amount of effort and time you wish to put into each ‘role’. Is it leading you where you need to go?
5. If your time is being spent in areas that are negatively impacting on your well-being or your relationships, then plan how you might change the balance over a period of time. Try and focus on the one or two things that, if you put your effort into now, would make the greatest difference to your life. If you get stuck with this exercise, you might also consider:
   • Asking for help ( professional coach, trusted friend, doctor, church or community advisor)
   • Encouraging others to assist where appropriate
   • Dropping the things that are not significant or important right now (they may be just displacement activity you are using to avoid doing what you need to be doing).

One of the problems when we are opposed (be it a work or personal matter) is that our ego gets in the way of a good outcome. We turn it into a win/ lose competition. It does not matter where opposition comes from; the best defense against it is to build an environment where it cannot grow. This does not mean trying to please everyone by giving in. It may mean mean, rethinking your strategy around those who oppose your ideas, and possibly your behavior.

Never surprise people by throwing a ‘fait accompli’ at them, and particularly for significant projects ensure you get key stakeholders on board first, as they will attract input from others. When introducing a new idea or concept start gently. Introduce your ideas in small steps before you ask for what you really want. That way potential opposition will get used to the idea, and if you have asked and listened to their input along the way, they may not only support you, but also feel they have thought of the idea themselves. If that means giving them credit for input into your project, then swallow your ego and do it; you may gain a long term supporter.

If your tactics to date have not worked, and the issue is important to you and the organisation, you may need to push back. Ensure you do this with fact rather than perception, and allow your opposition to save face wherever possible. It is always better to get your opposition on side than to make an enemy for life. Don’t give up at the first refusal. Think about others you know who may be able to influence your opposition’s thinking, and start to build positive momentum towards acceptance. It takes just a few people to build acceptance and this can sway your detractors, especially if they perceive themselves to be in a minority.

Some golden rules to help you along your way:

• Never criticize
• Always inform
• Don’t attack them personally
• Stay out of the emotive - use facts
• Where possible help them to succeed
• Make your ‘blocker’ a part of the solution; ask for their ideas and listen carefully

Where conflict occurs, e.g. when you are being attacked publicly, do the things your opposition will not expect – these may include:

• not retaliating
• asking the best question you can think of ( in preference to making a statement) as this gives them nothing to aim at
• agree with them where you can
• where an opportunity arises, sit down with them and provide the facts that support your case in preference to countering their facts
• where you’ve got something wrong, admit it, then talk about how you will put it right, rather than wasting time by being defensive

Finally, some ‘old wisdom’:

• always pick your fights
• don’t sweat the small stuff
• realise there are some things you just have to take on the chin.

Disasters will always happen, however, they do not have to be the end of the world and can prove (with hindsight) to be worthwhile in terms of your personal growth.

I have just returned from a cycling trip through Vietnam and Cambodia. The difficulties faced by both nations in times of war put our day to day disasters into striking perspective. What was so positive about my experiences in these countries, was seeing the resilience of the people and the determination to make a better environment for the next generation. They were doing this by moving forward. If you lead others, and you have a disaster, your main role is to assist your people to move forward and if you do it well, it may prove to be your best accomplishment.

The best way to move forward, is to lead by example. So your first step is to take time to get your own emotions under control. Use your support networks (or coach) to assist you to get into a good mindset before you front your staff about the way forward.

It is important to avoid getting bogged down in the prolonged detail of what has gone wrong - you will only pull people down by doing this. Rather, put the emphasis on learning, and where possible, frame the review in a positive light – it is a way forward. Once the situation is under control, start people thinking about where they want to be in five years time and lead with confidence. Your enthusiasm will be contagious. By putting the negatives behind you, you will encourage staff to “build a bridge and get over it”.

It is also important to assist others get the balance between support and resilience right. Too much support, turns people into victims; the right amount of support encourages a culture of healthy debate and honest feedback. Always remember that your role as a leader is to stay focused on the move forward.

Author’s Footnote:

It is normal for all of us to feel down from time to time and this is no bad thing. It is our bodies telling us that something is not right. Be sure you take time to stop what you’re doing and consider what is going on for you. Some things you may wish to consider:

• how you feel about the situation and your part in it (write it down if that helps and be very honest with yourself – you will have contributed to the situation in some way)
• your perceptions - your subjective reality and how others might see the situation
• the expectations you have of yourself and others in this situation (write them down)
• how you can stay true to what you want
• the impact of all of the above on who you are as a person